Saturday, September 11, 2010

Behind the Mask of Me

The pain behind the mask she wears
torments her as she sleeps
The strength she`s shown throughout her life
falls away as she lays and weeps

There are no words to comfort her
or take away her pain
She keeps her eyes closed as she cries
and relives it all again

Her eyes filled with confusion
the first time he slapped her face
She stumbled as he struck her
She tried to uphold some grace

What happened to the loving man
She once had held so dear
What happened to the love they`d shared
Her heart now filled with fear

Her dignity and grace had left her
When he knocked her to the ground
Her children were in bed asleep
She tried not to make a sound

When he dragged her to her feet
Pulling by the hair
Spitting in her face he screamed
"don`t back chat me, don`t you dare!"

She didn`t understand what was happening
What had she done to make him mad?
What had she done to warrant "useless whore"
Why was he treating her so bad?

The next day he was sorry
He cried and held her tight
"See what you made me do to you?"
"I hate it when we fight."

He promised it was the only time
It would never happen again
"Now go and fix your face," he said
"Take something for the pain."

"Mummy, what happened to your face?"
Little eyes filled with concern
She forced a laugh and told a lie
"Mummys clumsy, but she`ll learn."

The tiny hand reached up to her
She tried hard not to flinch
Tears filled her eyes, she looked away
She couldn`t give in an inch

She donned the mask and learnt the lie
that soon became her life
"She was clumsy, but she`d learn."
A typical beaten wife

Ten years went by behind that mask
Her self esteem was raped
An emptiness crept into her eyes
Across her shoulders, burden draped

She`d lost the woman that she was
She didn`t remember her at all
Her carefree laugh and smiling eyes
Now only in pictures on the wall

The hardness in her childrens eyes
Broke her heart to see
They heard her muffled cries at night
And wished that she`d break free

He said he`d kill her if she left him
And she knew he`d follow through
So she took the beatings every day
She didn`t know what else to do

The last time that he hit her
She could hear her childrens cries
huddled in their bedrooms
Defiance filled her eyes

She dragged herself back to her feet
Steadied herself against the wall
Trying not to hear the cries
Determined not to fall

She spat her blood into his face
and met his angry glare
"don`t hit me again" she warned
"don`t you fucking dare."

His next hit sent her flying
halfway across the floor
He wiped her blood across his face
then smashed his fist into her jaw

The room had started spinning
There was ringing in her ears
There were no walls left to hold her up
She fell to the floor in tears

When he started kicking her
She could only groan in pain
The pain washing in tidal waves over her
over and over again

Her broken ribs had winded her
Her jaw was hanging free
She was praying for unconsciousness
but it wasn`t meant to be

She could hear her children screaming
She found the strength to stand
She steadied herself against the wall
Her jaw hanging in her other hand

Flashing lights were blinding her
Sirens ringing in her ears
Someone had heard her cries for help
Relief bringing her to tears

The darkness finally came for her
Relieved her from her pain
She closed her eyes, knew she was safe
He wouldn`t hurt her again

The mask she wears, is made of strength
Of pain and lessons learned
Self worth, respect and confidence
All something she has earned

He now sits in a prison cell
it torments him in his sleep
An everlasting reminder
Of what we sow, we shall reap.

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