Behind the Mask of Me

The pain behind the mask she wears
torments her as she sleeps
The strength she`s shown throughout her life
falls away as she lays and weeps

There are no words to comfort her
or take away her pain
She keeps her eyes closed as she cries
and relives it all again

Her eyes filled with confusion
the first time he slapped her face
She stumbled as he struck her
She tried to uphold some grace

What happened to the loving man
She once had held so dear
What happened to the love they`d shared
Her heart now filled with fear

Her dignity and grace had left her
When he knocked her to the ground
Her children were in bed asleep
She tried not to make a sound

When he dragged her to her feet
Pulling by the hair
Spitting in her face he screamed
"don`t back chat me, don`t you dare!"

She didn`t understand what was happening
What had she done to make him mad?
What had she done to warrant "useless whore"
Why was he treating her so bad?

The next day he was sorry
He cried and held her tight
"See what you made me do to you?"
"I hate it when we fight."

He promised it was the only time
It would never happen again
"Now go and fix your face," he said
"Take something for the pain."

"Mummy, what happened to your face?"
Little eyes filled with concern
She forced a laugh and told a lie
"Mummys clumsy, but she`ll learn."

The tiny hand reached up to her
She tried hard not to flinch
Tears filled her eyes, she looked away
She couldn`t give in an inch

She donned the mask and learnt the lie
that soon became her life
"She was clumsy, but she`d learn."
A typical beaten wife

Ten years went by behind that mask
Her self esteem was raped
An emptiness crept into her eyes
Across her shoulders, burden draped

She`d lost the woman that she was
She didn`t remember her at all
Her carefree laugh and smiling eyes
Now only in pictures on the wall

The hardness in her childrens eyes
Broke her heart to see
They heard her muffled cries at night
And wished that she`d break free

He said he`d kill her if she left him
And she knew he`d follow through
So she took the beatings every day
She didn`t know what else to do

The last time that he hit her
She could hear her childrens cries
huddled in their bedrooms
Defiance filled her eyes

She dragged herself back to her feet
Steadied herself against the wall
Trying not to hear the cries
Determined not to fall

She spat her blood into his face
and met his angry glare
"don`t hit me again" she warned
"don`t you fucking dare."

His next hit sent her flying
halfway across the floor
He wiped her blood across his face
then smashed his fist into her jaw

The room had started spinning
There was ringing in her ears
There were no walls left to hold her up
She fell to the floor in tears

When he started kicking her
She could only groan in pain
The pain washing in tidal waves over her
over and over again

Her broken ribs had winded her
Her jaw was hanging free
She was praying for unconsciousness
but it wasn`t meant to be

She could hear her children screaming
She found the strength to stand
She steadied herself against the wall
Her jaw hanging in her other hand

Flashing lights were blinding her
Sirens ringing in her ears
Someone had heard her cries for help
Relief bringing her to tears

The darkness finally came for her
Relieved her from her pain
She closed her eyes, knew she was safe
He wouldn`t hurt her again

The mask she wears, is made of strength
Of pain and lessons learned
Self worth, respect and confidence
All something she has earned

He now sits in a prison cell
it torments him in his sleep
An everlasting reminder
Of what we sow, we shall reap.

My Madness

Four walls I see
the same four walls
I sit and stare
as madness calls

Trapped in my heart
and in my mind
is all the pain
you left behind

I can`t escape
the silent screams
The tormented sounds
of broken dreams

I take a breath
and close my eyes
My madness calls
as my spirit dies.

A Childs letter

I have an ugly secret
That I`m too afraid to tell
He says I`ll get in trouble
Maybe even go to hell

I want to tell you mummy
What daddys friend has done to me
But he says that he can`t help it
I have to shut up and let it be

I don`t like it when he touches me
And I don`t like touching him
But he says I have to do it
If I disobey, I commit a sin

I really wish you`d make him stop
Check me when he shuts the door
He says that if I tell you
God will think that I`m a whore

I wish I could tell you mummy
Why I lay awake at night
Why I wet the bed last week
Why I won`t sleep without a light

But I`m not allowed to tell you
I have to keep it in my head
All the things he makes me do
When he sneaks into my bed

He says he`s sorry if it hurts me
It`s just for my own good
To learn to be a grown up girl
And know everything I should

I don`t want to learn his lessons
And I don`t know what to do
If I tell, bad things will happen
I`ll send other people to hell too

So I snuck into your handbag
And I took a jar of pills
The ones that make you happy
When you and daddy fight over bills

I`m sorry that I took them all
I hope that you`re not mad
I hope they make me happy too
I don`t like to feel this sad

I`m feeling really tired now
Tonight I`ll sleep without the light
I`ll wish for bad to leave me
And I`ll pray with all my might

I`ll pray that you`ll all be ok
If you find this letter while I sleep
And I`ll pray that I don`t go to hell
For the secrets that I keep...

Blood Chant

As my Blood touches my thoughts
do my thoughts touch my Blood
And I Become.

As my thoughts touch my Blood
does my Blood touch my thoughts
And I Am.

Take Me There

Take me there, I want to go
Show me what hides in the Shadows
Take me past my furtherest extremes
Show me your Darkness.

I surrender
to all that is offered.
Take me now, I want to know
I can`t hide anymore

I don`t want to.
Take me where I know is real
Show me emotion
Show me what I know is True

Show me the awe, the beauty
and the wonder
Take me, for I know I deserve
It`s time
Take me now.

The Mask of Me

The Mask Of Me

Behind this mask, there is a girl
That you will never know
A tear stained face, dejected eyes
That she won`t ever show

Silent screams of pains gone by
She won`t ever let you hear
broken dreams, deep in a heart
That`s full of pain and fear

Behind this mask, there is a girl
That you will never see
You will never see what you did to her
When you made the Mask of Me.